Do looks matter in dating is dating older men bad
I’ve heard a lot of guys struggle with this, so maybe it’s worth having a doctor check it out.” In young men, odds are the problem has psychological roots, says sex therapist Laurie Watson, LMFT, host of the podcast FOREPLAY: Radio Sex Therapy.“Here’s how to rule out that it’s physiological: If he has morning erections; if he can get an erection but can’t keep it; and he can get an erection by himself and ejaculate without any problem when he’s masturbating, the problem is not physical.” Instead, there’s probably something going on emotionally or intellectually that he may need to look at.You’re seeing a great guy and you THINK you’re getting close, but then he suddenly pulls away and you have NO IDEA what happened. She’d put it together in a few hours over a few glasses of wine with her girlfriends. Because when you compare the number of factors that determine whether a guy is date-worthy with the number of factors that determine whether you’re date-worthy, it’s night and day. Men ask two questions: Do I want to sleep with you? All of this is just a long way of stating what every man knows – and most women don’t: We are not nearly as concerned with your merits as much as how you make us FEEL. If you’re fun and easygoing, it makes us enjoy our time together. It makes us want to keep you around forever and ever. My husband has a male friend who broke up with his girlfriend because supposedly, she wasn’t up to his intellectual level.I can tell you what happened – if you’re ready to turn your love life around forever… I thought the list was so hysterical, that I included it in the first draft of my book. In all my years of dating, I never stopped to dissect the behavior of my female dates. Do I feel good about myself when I’m spending time with you? Which means that all of your amazing qualities may not even matter to him at ALL! You ran a half-marathon and raised twelve thousand dollars for leukemia? Understand, men DO value intelligence, but they also want from their girlfriend what they CAN’T get from their business associates. I have another guy friend who has complained about not being able to have deep discussions with virtually every single girlfriend he has had.Have you ever dated a guy and thought things were going GREAT between you, only to have him suddenly start being flaky, or stop calling, or vanish all together? I first realized there was a big gap in men’s and women’s perceptions when I was writing my first book, “I Can’t Believe I’m Buying This Book – A Commonsense Guide to Successful Internet Dating”. This is the main premise behind Why He Disappeared. It’s that you’ve never fully understood why certain men choose not to stick around. If he’s shallow and fickle and uncommunicative and still thinks he should be dating Angelina Jolie, let him knock himself out. But when you do meet that rare, relationship-oriented, quality guy, how can you be the most self-confident, self-aware, irresistible man magnet around? But is every man really as straightforward as you are?In my work as a dating coach, this is the number one complaint I hear. My friend Jen had sent me a list of over 300 things that men did wrong on first dates. You made partner in your fifth year and you have a time-share in Vail? Will you wake him on Sunday morning with chocolate chip pancakes and morning sex? It makes us feel secure and studly and all those things we rarely feel on our own. Once you get it, you will have a clearer, easier path to love – and a lifelong ability to understand and connect with men. It all starts with understanding what men are thinking. I have a male friend who criticized his ex-girlfriend because her grammar wasn’t as good as his.(If we’re going just by my group of friends, that’s certainly true.) And no matter how empathetic you are to the problem, how patient, or non shame-y and blame-y, it’s still just that: A problem.
There are some lifestyle or psychological factors that you can help him address. “Porn keeps raising the bar of stimulation, meaning that men need a higher stimulus to get off because it’s what they’re getting used to,” says Morse.
For instance, is he regularly drinking before you have sex? “Tell him—nicely—that if he backs off or takes a break, it could help your sex life.” Also, if you’re fighting in other areas of life, it could be spilling over into bed, says Watson.
“If he’s angry at you, he can lose the ability to function properly,” she says.
Below, five smart suggestions from top sex therapists about where to start.
Though it might be tempting to cave to insecurities the minute something goes wrong—especially when it’s ED—try hard not to turn the focus onto yourself, says sexologist Emily Morse, Ph. “This doesn’t mean he’s not sexually attracted to you,” she says.